Really Tired

I feel a little lost lately.  It always seems that I'm doing so much for everyone but myself.  That is the nature of being a mother, but this is boardering on rediculous.  I have the baby most of the day and when I don't I'm in school.  I come home from school and it's all baby all the time.  Even when Carl and Aubrey are home, if I'm not doing for the baby, I'm doing for them.  Laundry, cleaning, food shopping, cleaning again, picking up shit (my own too).  At school it's doing for the professors, doing for the classmates.  I don't get much "me" time and when I do I feel a bit guilty because I "should" be doing other things (like cleaning, laundry, straightening up, etc).  When Carl comes home, he does help but the baby is at the age where only momma can fix it.  Carl doesn't seem to know how to comfort her.  I tell him how to hold her, but he has his own ideas and doesn't think it matters that you need to hold her a certain way when she eats.  No wonder she won't eat for him.  I get so frustrated.  I feel guilty for taking an hour to play a computer game when Carl is home, but I need the down time.  But then I only seem him a few hours and then it's bedtime.  I try to get up early and do things but I'm so flipping tired.

I feel awful saying this, but I wish I could have a weekend alone here at home to just do as I please without having to look after the kids and Carl.  Don't get me wrong, I love them so much but I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes.  I will be so happy when I graduate and get back into the work force and begin dealing with adults again.  I love the kids at school, but sometimes being in touch with your own generation (or even older!) brings me back to a better place where I feel like a human and not someone's mother.  That's how I feel with the kids at school, but I suppose that's because it's a role I've chosen to play there.  I'm a nurturer.  I'd better start nurturing myself or I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown.

Speaking of that... baby is screaming for me.  Later...