The Ex's Mother

I got a call last night from my ex's sister.  Aubrey's mimi is in the hospital.  She tore her aorta somehow and has been in Shreveport undergoing surgeries to try and repair it.  I haven't heard anything since that phonecall and I don't know if I should call to find out anything or wait until I hear back.  I've told Aubrey about it so she knows that her grandmother is in the hospital and that it's serious.  I don't know what more I can do than that.  I have mixed feelings about that woman.  I don't want her to die.  At least I don't think I do.  Is that bad?  Sometimes it feels bad, sometimes it feels justified.  I wish that I could forget the bitterness sometimes.  I wish I could forget the things that have been said and done.

The hard part about forgetting is that I remember the things that have been done to my daughter.  The betrayal, the lies.  Aubrey doesn't want to be around her.  She had Aubrey's dad buried in the plot next to her own, so for Aubrey to go there is a reminder of her dad's death and that his grave isn't that far away.  Part of her is scared that Mimi will make her go to her dad's grave.  Aubrey told me yesterday that she hopes Mimi doesn't die because she doesn't want to go to the funeral or the burial.  I'm not even sure I could bring myself to go to her funeral or burial.  I don't want to be around that family.  I suppose that's not a very good or healthy example for Aubrey, but it's the truth.  Most of the time I don't even give them a second thought.  I live my life and the bitterness isn't there because I don't think about them.  I don't dwell on them.  I don't have anything to do with them.  When I do think of them, it's mainly about the ex and now I suppose it will be about his mother.

Lord these entries lately have been so depressing!  Blarg.  I need a life again. 

Comments

[Smash]

Kell, whatever others tell you, there's nothing wrong with wishing someone dead, or even, if you feel that isn't good, not being unhappy to see them dead. Sadly, there are people who cause such pain, such misery and such agony to others, that the only way to be sure they don't ever do it again is to breathe a sigh of relief when they die. It takes a lot for me to feel that for someone, really, so much, but I have wanted people dead. Don't ever be sorry because you are a great and kind and funny, and I know you wouldn't visit that kind of emotion lightly. Smashxxx

[bettyalready]

There's nothing wrong with not caring whether someone's dying or not. You care what Aubrey thinks and that's normal. It's also normal, no matter how much you like someone, to be happy SOME parts of them are gone. And if you didn't particularly like someone, it might come as a relief. I think most of us feel guilty about that. But it's ok! People come in and out of our lives and we learn from them whatever we learn and visa versa. It's ok not to be sorry they're going.

[cardiogirl]

Isn't that odd how death seems to impart saint-like status on the people who were human, i.e., not perfect, flawed, irritating at times, fun at times. It seems we as a society are so afraid of death that we automatically tell ourselves the person who is gone was almost a saint on earth, even though we know that to be incorrect.

I suppose, as the others have mentioned, it's just a normal reaction to something we can't fully understand (death) until it happens to us.