Been a long time

It has been a really long time since I updated.  Not sure why really... I've had lots of things going on.  More or less I think I'm afraid of complaining all the time.  I've been having some frustrations with a relationship and having these ugly feelings that I thought might be better not to put down on paper.

Carl and I are "friends" with a couple who are a few years younger than we are.  I love the husband, but ever since the wife had a baby she has changed.  I don't just mean "normal" changes... I mean you have kids and your life fundamentally changes.  I'm talking about changes that make me rethink who she really is as a person.  And these changes don't exactly make me want to be around her. 

We were talking the other day about a movie "For The Bible Tells Me So" about GLBT issues and families that were very "religious" and dealing with issues of their sons and daughters announcing that they were gay.  If anyone else has seen it please let me know because the issue I had with this "friend" has to do with a particular part of the movie.  Basically, a husband and wife drop everything to support their gay son in his struggles.  They become very politically active and outspoken critics of the church and people who discriminate against GLBT persons.  I thought it was really great... two people who had never really done anything outspoken in their lives turn around and rally around their son... going on the road with him... supporting him in everything.  My "friend" said that she thought it was "sad" (!!!) because they saw their son as "gay" and not just their son.  "He should be their SON... not their GAY son."

I went on to say that I didn't see it that way.  They were supporting their son and rallying around him... fighting discrimination... protecting him from the harm of the world.  I thought it was incredibly motivating and cool.  She went on to tell me that she and her husband have two "lesbian friends" and that first and foremost they are lesbians first.. then professionals... then women.  She doesn't think that anyone should be anything before they are who they are.  (her words not mine)  I think what she means is that first they should be women.

I pointed out that she had called them her "lesbian friends" not her "friends who are lesbian".  I also pointed out that I myself don't think of myself as "Kelly" first.  Sometimes I'm Aubrey and Julia's mom, sometimes I'm Carl's wife, or Ginny's daughter.  I think that by saying it's bad for a woman to think of herself first as a lesbian is a pretty narrow minded point of view.  She came back with "Yeah but you're not heterosexual Carl's wife."  *sigh*

This is just one example of what bothers me.  When she had her baby, as lots of women do, she became very idealistic.  She has a "plan" of how things are supposed to be.  I think we all do that until we learn that life does not always go according to "plan" (and neither do children). 

She is pregnant again.  I literally cringed when she told me, but then I thought that it will really be a challenge for her.  My pastor tells me that when I'm not getting along with people to try and see myself in them.  I'm trying really hard.

Comments

[Kat]

I think I know what she's sort of getting at, but then she's not practicing what she preaches either.
I had this same discussion with a friend of mine and I said that a person's sexual orientation doesn't and shouldn't define them. As a herterosexual I do not go around introducing myself as "Hi, I'm Kat and I'm straight." so why should a gay person?
I think it's sort of discriminating the way people talk about their friends as being 'gay' or 'lesbian'. Can't they just be your friends. Sometimes it seems to me like it's an arm band, or that they want the world to see how wonderful they are for being so accepting of people who are sexualy 'different' from them.
My friend started to argue with me and I said I rank it up there with having friends that are hispanic or black.
If I had a group of friends coming over and I said to someone "Oh, tonight I'm having my latino, or black friends over tonight" folks would like at me like I'm a biggot.
But yet it's socially acceptable to single out your gay friends in the same way.
It just seems strange to me.

[Kelly]

Well, what I'm saying is that we all have an "identity" that is sometimes other than who people think we are. And to be fair, not ALL GLBT people hink of themselves first and foremost as gay. I happen to think of myself first and foremost as a mother. My sister an artist, my friend a phtotgrapher. Do you see what I mean? By saying that "they all" seem to think a certain way is an unfair protrayal and THAT is what I'm getting at.

[Smash]

She sounds like an ignorant fucker. Just nod and smile and fuggedabout her. *grinz*

Smashxxxx

PS Missed ya!