Is her name really Karen?

I go for very long periods of time without thinking about him at all.  Then one night I have a dream, I wake up crying, and the pain is all fresh and new again.  I wonder how he is.  I wonder what life would have been like.  And even though I know leaving him and marrying Carl was the best thing I could have done, I still wonder.  Because deep down I know I still love him.  I still care and think about him.  The dream was about me living with both he and Carl.  And his kids were with us.  I remember getting down on my knees and talking to them about something... saying I was sorry if I ever did anything that made them upset about their dad and me.  And then I remember hearing him on the phone... to some woman named Karen... talking to her like he used to talk to me.  And I cried.  I woke up crying.

I fell back asleep and this time we were out and about somewhere and I had lost my purse.  I was upset because I had some credit cards in there that I was holding for him so he wouldn't use them.  And I was upset because I didn't know which cards I had and wouldn't be able to remember anything to cancel them.  I went inside the restaurant and found my purse.  When I came out of the restaurant he was back on the phone with Karen talking to her like he used to talk to me.   I cried.  I woke up crying.

I know that is what life with him probably would have been like.  I get fat and dumpy and he takes up with someone younger and more attractive.  Although he was already 9 years older than me, so how much younger than me could that old man find?  ;-)  hehe  It's just a dream, but when these dreams happen it makes me curious about how he's doing.  If he's still with that woman he was last living with.  I don't know her name, wouldn't it be weird if it was Karen?

Comments

[Smash]

I sometimes have dreams about a buddy of mine that I don't see anymore. I moved away for a few years and he just never contacted me. We were real close at one point though. Working in a government department I know I could easily track him down and have heard he doesn't live far from me since I moved back home, but sometimes dreams are best left to the night and the day is for reality.

Smashxxx